December 4

It started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took out hot buttered rum and sat by the window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.

December 9

We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years. And I loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later, the snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back. I shoveled it again.

December 13

The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get a little more before this lovely winter is through.

December 14

It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 0. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly, the snowplow came by and did his trick again.

December 15

Sold our car and bought a 4x4 Blazer so we could get around in the snow. Bought snow tires for the pick-up.

December 18

Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. $123.00 to the chiropractor, but nothing was broken, thank goodness. The damn sky is getting dark again.

December 19

Still cold (-5 this am), icy roads, making for very tough driving. Slid into a guard rail with my wife's car. Probably $2000 damage or so. She's all pissed off.

December 20

Had another 14 inches of the with shit last night. More shoveling in store for today. That damn snowplow came by twice.

December 22

We are assured of a white Christmas because another 7 inches of that white shit fell today and with this freezing weather it won't melt till August. I got all dressed up to go out and shovel that shit again (boots, jump suit, jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves etc.), then I got the urge to pee!

December 24

If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throws that white shit everywhere.

December 25

Merry Christmas, they predict 12 more inches of the f*cking white shit tonight. Does anyone know how many damn shovelfuls of snow 12 inches is? To hell with Santa, he doesn't have to shovel that white shit. The snowplower came by asking for a donation. I hit him with my ice-pick. The doctors think he'll live.

December 28

We got 11 more inches. I must be going snow blind or have a severe case of depression, because the wife is beginning to look good to me.

December 29

The toilet froze and the roof is starting to cave in. If you go outside, don't eat yellow snow.

December 30

I torched the damn house and moving back to California.