Electric Shocking Pager

Your employees will never forget a meeting with these helpful reminders strapped to their bodies. This unbreakable device delivers a painful electric shock to notify them of pending appointments and approaching deadlines. Not legal for use on livestock.

Ticking Bomb

Where'd it come from? Is it real? Should I open it? These mysteries and more are yours to unravel when you order this ominous-looking device. Makes a great gift.

Dead Rat in an Old Buick Hubcap

Pretty much self explanatory. A great alternative to pot-pourri. Color may vary.

Stress Enhancement Tapes

Don't lull yourself to complacent slumber with the sound of ocean waves and forest breezes; pop these jarring cassettes in your WalkPerson and keep your edge! Feel your skin crawl as the sound of braking trolley cars, jackhammers, and low-flying jets assaults your ears on the Urban Rhythms tape. Thrill to the natural sounds of hyenas in their death-agony and screeching howler monkeys defending their territory on Shrieks of Nature! Forty-seven tapes in all.

Young Investigator Kits

Now your children can explore the wonders of nature with these exciting Activity Kits:

Scorpion Hatchery: Leave the eggs in a cool, dry place such as a coat closet or dresser, and experience the thrill as dozens of young hatch in the coming weeks.

Giga Glue: Mix the chemicals in a well ventilated area to produce a pungent mixture that will permanently adhere to virtually any form of solid matter.

Electric Tower of Power: An exciting new kit that lets you turn any high tension wire tower into a glowing, spark-shooting Tower of Power! May disrupt television reception in surrounding counties.

Mutation Exploration: Discover the Miracle of Life as you trace the development of small creatures exposed to the Big Lump O' Cesium. Lead shielding sold separately.

Little Tykes Musical Maelstrom

Everything a budding young musician needs for a really BIG sound! Includes a trumpet, a slide trombone, a ten-piece drum kit, blasting caps, an air-raid siren, and a 500 watt amplifier! Act now and receive a free ten-pound bag of raw sugar that'll give them the energy to play on through the night. The perfect gift for children of parents you hate.

The Enchanted Chalkboard

Spend a thrilling evening with Itchi, Peruvian master of the Musical Chalkboard, as his talented fingernails scratch out your favorite tunes on this four album collection. Every hair on your body will stand on end during his half-hour scraped rendition of Moon River. Be moved to tears by his masterful two-handed interpretation of Chariots of Fire. Perfect for the office!

Anything's Possible!

Why let your children be unnecessarily constrained by boring old facts? Expand their horizons and give them lots to think about with these dynamic new educational videos. Maybe two plus two is negative seventy-three. Maybe George Washington fought Eskimo raiders in the Franco-Prussian War of 1066. Maybe ice melts because of sunspots and evil spirits. Or maybe not. After all, Anything's Possible in this exciting series that will profoundly influence your child's educational progress for years to come.

FlossTracker

How many times has this happened to you: you've just gorged yourself on roast beef and corn on the cob, yet you discover you're completely out of dental floss! Well, you'll never be without floss again with FlossTracker, the advanced software solution from FlossWare. Record your hourly flossing activity in the FlossTracker Spreadsheet Module to generate an exhaustive statistical profile of your floss consumption, complete with three-dimensional distribution plots and histograms. FlossTracker will even monitor your current floss inventory, projecting your floss needs for the coming weeks and automatically ordering additional floss as necessary from the nearest FlossWare Regional Distribution Center. You can calculate optimal floss lengths for your personalized dental profile, and even add flavor with the optional Mint Module. FlossTracker requires a Pentium PC with 32MB of RAM, 1.2GB of storage space, a Novell file server, an atomic clock, a Romulan cloaking device, and Windows 95.